These Boys of Mine
by Diatha
Summary: What's it like being best friends with boys...Hermione knows.  A little too well, in fact.  Oneshot just for fun


I wrote this as tribute to my guy friends who are played by the boys from Hogwarts.

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Hermione had always liked having guy friends. Boys don't play games. It never enters their mind to, in fact, they are (most of the time) oblivious to the social niceties and subtleties of the world. Among the lies and manipulation of women, guy friends were a breath of fresh air. Hermione had a great appreciation for honesty. 

While she liked having guy friends, there was a certain…downside to the relationship, as it were. Hermione was universally considered as 'one of the guys'. It didn't matter that she had an ample bosom or that she showered on a regular basis, she was one of them and never acknowledged as the woman she was. It was a problem at first, but she grew accustomed. She was privy to all sorts of things. They asked her advice when they were having women trouble, they let her sit in on poker games, they never censored themselves during 'guy talk'…It worked for all of them.

She shared a place in Muggle London with both Ron and Harry. It was a Saturday night and Hermione was in the living area reading a book when both Harry and Ron came stomping down the stairs laughing uproariously. This happened regularly, so Hermione read on. She didn't look up either when they threw on the overhead lights in the living area and started going through their DVD library. Ron had apparently inherited some of his father's obsession with Muggle objects because, if there's one thing that man loved, it was Muggle movies. They argued over the merits of each selection finally grabbing a handful.

Hermione knew very well what it all meant, but still asked perfunctorily. Without looking up from her book, "What are you doing?"

Harry and Ron spared her not a glance and continued messing with the settings of the television and answered in an off-hand manner. "Just thought we'd do a movie night. Dean owled. Said he might come over. He was going to owl Neville to see if he wanted to hang out with us."

Hermione figured as much. It was going to turn into a boy's night. Never did just two show up, though. The whole lot of them always turned up. It was rather perplexing how they all seemed to know when to show.

The front door slammed as someone entered. "We're back here!" Harry and Ron called.

Dean stepped through the doorway of the living room, and the boys chorused "Heyy!" Dean grinned devilishly and held his present aloft: a case of alcohol. Hermione knew it wouldn't last long and someone would end up needing to make another run for booze.

Hermione glanced up from her book to obligingly nod in greeting to Dean who waved back. He had joined Harry and Ron in the debate of which movie to watch first. Arguments like "The chick is hot in this one!" and "C'mon, car chases are classic!" echoed through the room.

Neville and Ernie strolled lazy into the room. Hermione had learned long ago not to mind their revolving door. To their friends, the door was always open and they could come and go as freely as if they lived there.

Neville and Ernie joined the Brain Trust at the television and Neville slapped Ron on the back. "Look what bastard I found over at the Hog's Head." He said by way of greeting.

They all looked up at that and yelled enthusiastically in greeting to Ernie. They shook hands with Ernie. Not the usual hand shake, but the low-five/hand shake followed by the brief hug and fist pounding of the backs. Apparently, hugs were permitted as long as there was minimal contact involved and they got to pound each other's back as if the other man were choking.

They finished selecting a movie and put it on. Neville, Dean and Ernie moved to sprawl on the couch. Ron reclined on the floor and leaned against the couch next to the chair where Hermione was reading. Harry grappled briefly with the remotes to set the volume to theater decibel.

Harry stretched his arms above his head and then moved a hand down to rub his stomach lazily. "Man, I could use some chow."

The movie was paused as they debated for the next twenty minutes on what to order.

"Aw, I don't want Chinese! I just had that for lunch."

"Have it again, then! I'm in the mood for some dumplings!"

"Ron, you've had Chinese like every day this week! Dude, pick something else."

"Yeah, you know Chinese food doesn't last long any way. After 30 minutes, you're hungry again."

When they couldn't reach a decision, they always asked for Hermione's opinion. She liked getting to choose. Ron nudged her legs. "Let's ask Hermione." She looked up expectantly. "What do you feel like having?"

Hermione had already decided when they were arguing. She shrugged. "Pizza sounds good."

They nodded in approval and they chorused "Pizzaaa!" Harry left the room to phone in the order. Muggle home with Muggle amenities.

When he came back, he was scowling holding what looked to be a letter in his hand. He waved it. "Malfoy says he's stopping by."

Groans erupted from the rest of the gang. (Hermione loved the part that came next; they always did it together. They had great timing. She mouthed it with them.) "Fucking Malfoy!" Hermione grinned. It never ceased to amuse her.

Ron's groans were the loudest. "Remind me again of _why_ we're friends with him…"

Harry chuckled. "You wanted to hang out with him because you thought he could hook you up with the ladies." The rest of the guys laughed and they moved to slap Ron heartily on the back.

Ron's expression was still sour. He grumbled, "Yeah, yeah."

They all heard the door slam and a few moments later Malfoy walked in as if he owned the place. He nodded to them all. He gestured to Blaise behind him. "You lot remember Zabini."

As a unit, the guys seated on the couch shifted and suddenly there was room for the two newcomers. Malfoy and Zabini sat leaning forward, arms rested on their thighs.

"Hey, Granger," Malfoy leered. He had to do it once to get it out of his system. Each time he came over, really. He considered himself to be talented with the ladies, so he had to make at least one pass at Hermione.

Hermione knew how to deal with it. Without looking up from her book, she responded with "Malfoy."

The movie had been restarted. They let out wolf whistles as the leading lady came on the screen.

"With lips like those, she could raid my tomb anytime!" The rest of the guys guffawed in appreciation.

"You sure your tomb hasn't caught a disease by now, Malfoy." That was Harry, who was grinning slyly. More laughter and a few 'oohh's erupted in the room. Hermione laughed slightly herself.

Malfoy glared at Harry. "Oh, fuck you, Potter. At least I _see_ some action." The room was still in high spirits. It was all just good-natured ribbing.

Ron glanced at the other guys. "You think Pansy would mind that." He winked.

Malfoy scoffed. "Pansy doesn't know shit. She has no claim on me." He looked arrogant when he said, "There's enough Malfoy for all the ladies." The guys responded by booing and hissing. A few pillows sailed unerringly into Malfoy's head.

"Ugh, what's with her friend, Millicent? All she does is sit in the corner at parties and sulk."

The boys snorted collectively and shared amused looks. Dean fielded this question. "It's cause she's butch. No guy wants to hit on her because they think she might have a bigger—," he grabbed himself crudely, "—than they do." The boys rolled and howled with laughter.

Through gasps, Ernie chimed in, "She probably flies for the other team, anyway!" This set them off again.

When the movie reached a particular part, the laughter subsided into a hush as they sat staring star struck. You could almost see the lust in their eyes as they stared at the nude back of the actress on the screen.

"Oh, yeah, she's definitely a 10 in my book…" Blaise said reverently. Some murmured their agreement.

Neville spoke up. "Nah, the chick from that zombie movie is wayyy hotter." They turned to scowl at Neville as Hermione watched on in amusement.

"You are crazy!" Ernie moved to stand next to the television screen to point wildly at the actress in the scene. "She's the ultra dream shag!"

"Oh, definitely…we agree with Hufflepuff over there." Fred and George had just arrived. In their hands they held the pizza. They grinned widely. "Someone order pizza?"

There was general pandemonium as the guys scrambled off the sofa to dive for the pizza boxes. Hermione was smart enough to stay seated. Food always found its way to her.

Harry held up a box. "Hermione, here's the Hawaiian!" and he tossed the box over to her, which she caught with practiced ease. She set her book aside, and shifted to curl her legs under her. A roll of paper towels was produced and started sailing about the room, which each person caught to tear off several sheets and then tossed to the next person.

It was all rather pleasant and cozy with all of them watching the movie and eating pizza. Between mouthfuls of pizza, the guys continued their debate on which actress was hotter.

Ron had the same answer to everything. "Let's ask Hermione!" Everyone looked to her questioningly. "What do you think of her?" Pointing to the actress on the screen.

She pretended to give it consideration as she munched on the delicious pizza. "Eh, I'd do her." Hermione was, of course, never serious when she said things of that nature. After living with her boys for two years (and living with their friends), she was immune to their antics. They enjoyed saying shocking things to get a rise out of her, but, now, it was she who took to saying things for shock value.

Their eyes widened and they shouted with laughter. They yelled their approval ("Yeah, Hermione!"). Some even moved, bent over clutching their pizza, to give her a high-five.

Hermione didn't bat an eyelash when she heard belches from beside her. Boys will be boys. She had learned long ago that chastising them would only egg them on further. She was lucky they were only burping.

Blaise held up the empty box where the alcohol had once been. It was barely to the middle of the movie and the box was empty. Hermione knew that was to be expected.

"Someone needs to run to a liquor store!" A chorus 'not it's went on around the room.

Malfoy was the last to respond and glowered. "Fuck you guys! I always end up buying the fucking alcohol!"

The rest adopted innocent looks. Harry shrugged. "Not all the time! I'm pretty sure Fred went last trip, right Fred?"

Fred caught on quickly. "Oh, yeah, definitely! Don't you remember?" Malfoy scowled at all of them and left.

They let out laughs when he left. Malfoy always did end up buying the liquor because the rest of the guys planned it that way. Wait until his mouth is full of food, announce that more alcohol is needed and watch in amusement as Malfoy (good manners preventing him from talking with his mouth full) is forced to go, yet again, to pick up the booze. Hermione could only shake her head.

Hermione watched as the dozen or so pizza boxes were emptied. It was a wonder they were all as slim as they were.

Malfoy returned from his errand laden with boxes and was basically bum rushed. They stripped him of all the boxes in moments.

Each man happily sipping at alcohol, they resumed their seats. Some still on the sofa, some reclining on the floor, and then there was Malfoy sitting on the arm of her chair, arm companionably along the back.

They finished the movie then a voice said, "How about a drinking game?" They all turned to the voice to see Seamus grinning at them all from the floor.

Not one of them had seen him enter; he was just suddenly there as if he had been from the beginning.

"Finnigan! Where the _fuck_ did you come from?" The boys laughed and greeted him never leaving their seats. They were all quite lazy by that time.

"C'mon you pansy light-weights! Let's get a game going…" The boys groaned collectively. It always amazed Hermione at the amount of things they did collectively once sloshed. This was not to say that Hermione herself wasn't quite sloshed as well.

Dean and Harry managed to push back the couch and bring forward the coffee table. Seamus took over from there. "We'll do rounds of galleons. That'd be fun, I think." He rubbed his hands eyeing them with calculation. "Who's my first victim—I mean, _opponent_!" There was a general murmuring around the room as they sent him rude gestures. "Fine! I pick Neville…"

The guys gathered round the table watching as the two played. They two were taking turns in attempting to bounce a galleon into a glass of liquor. Whichever made it in won the round and the opponent had to take the shot. Seamus was obviously practiced at the game and his galleon found the bottom of the glass each time. The guys jeered loudly as Neville took each of his shots. Four rounds made the game, and after the fourth, Neville was looking a little green around the edges.

Each guy stepped up to take their turn, but none were able to knock Seamus from his throne as the champion of galleons.

Ron cried in frustration. "The game is rigged! Seamus, you cheating bastard!" There was a general cry of agreement from the other occupants. Hermione just giggled.

She should have been warned at the look of mischief in Malfoy's eye. "Seamus! You haven't had a go with Hermione yet!" All heads turned to her. She shook her head vigorously. Hermione wasn't about to get in on this.

"I don't think so! I've never even played this! How am I to beat him?" Her protests were ignored as Ron and Harry dragged her from her chair and positioned her on the floor in the opponent area.

Seamus rubbed his hands in anticipation and kissed his winning galleon.

Hermione grasped hers weakly, but, looking around at the others grinning down at her, she didn't think she was going to receive any help. She sighed heavily.

"Let's get this over with then…" Seamus motioned that she was to go first. She picked up her galleon and half-heartedly bounced it hoping that it at least came near the glass. She watched in fascination as it actually went in. Seamus was shocked.

A chorus of 'ooohhh's went about the room and they jeered Seamus as he took his shot. Of the four rounds, Hermione only had to take a shot once to Seamus' three.

Her friends cheered her on, patted her on the back roughly, and high-fived her. "The new champion!" She had dethroned the champ. No one noticed Harry re-pocketing his wand. Hermione did, but he just winked. Harry always did look out for her.

The night fizzled from there as everyone started to leave. They were all walking unsteadily. Neville stumbled and ran into a wall. Ernie stepped forward to help him out the door.

The twins were leaving next. "Fred, you're drunk! Give me your keys…brothers don't let brothers drive drunk…"

"Oh, go on," Fred said, roughly, pushing his twin out of the room. "We haven't had the car in years, you sod!"

When Ron, Harry and Hermione were the only ones left, they yawned widely. They bid each other good night. The boys retreated up the stairs and Hermione picked up her book to follow.

Standing at the doorway to the living room, she looked back to make sure everything had been righted. She thought about the night and grinned ruefully. She shut off the lights and trudged upstairs. She needed her sleep. Afterall, they'd all probably be back tomorrow.


End file.
